trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
