Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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