Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
