dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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