..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
