Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
