I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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