just come out here and I will go home with you...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
