i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
