Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.

Fav 25 6986 1289
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.

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(972): View more from Texas

oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut

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(609): View more from New Jersey

you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single

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(415): View more from California

When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

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(904): View more from Florida

Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.

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(281): View more from Texas

I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week

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