oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
