In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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