she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
