Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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