Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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