Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
