the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
