life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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