Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
