whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
