girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
