Having a random hookup so left but love u
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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