Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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