There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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