my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Randomize
