The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
