Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
