First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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