Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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