i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
