She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
