talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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