I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
