Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Randomize
