she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
