Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
