we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
