I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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