why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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