Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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