it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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