I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
