Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
