Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
