i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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