I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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