My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
