Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
