What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
