I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
