I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
